10 Ways to Respect Your Husband

In today’s society, we often have loud voices about how the woman deserves respect. We have a tendency to voice our opinion on how the woman WILL be respected. But sometimes we forget the men. The heads of the household are often disrespected. We are so focused on respect for the women, we over run and overpower the men.

A few days ago, my hubby and I were studying the bible. And the scripture got me to start thinking. I know, this is what it should do :-p but sometimes verses make you dig deeper than other times. The next day, Matt Walsh posted a blog post called “Your Husband doesn’t Have to Earn Your Respect.” We all know what respect means but do we all really know how to give it? I began pondering “What ways can a Wife show her respect for her husband?”

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) 

I think one of the best examples we can look at is Christ and his Church. How would Christ’s Church show respect to Christ? I asked my hubby to brainstorm with me. I wanted his input on how a wife could respect their husband. And here is the list we came up with.

List of Ways to Respect Your Husband

1.)Encourage them with Love. When he stumbles, be there for him and encourage him to get back on his feet. We all have our weaknesses and the devil is constantly looking to put stumbling blocks in our way. We should be there to offer a helping hand to help him back on his feet.

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

2.)Give input without a condescending attitude– No one likes it when someone talks to them with a condescending attitude. It shows the utmost disrespect to the person that is being spoken to. Most people, do not take this kind of criticism lightly and usually directly offends the person. If we respect our husband, we will speak to him with kindness. If you are helping your husband out with a project, giving him your honest opinion is valuable. But it must be done with respect and in a loving manner. Your input is worth something but if you try to put him down, respond with negativity in your voice, or even act like he is stupid, he probably won’t take lightly to your words.

My husband knows me very well and sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He knows when I have had a rough day without me telling him. On rough days, my husband will offer to cook supper for me. Before I share the story, let me put out there, my husband is a pretty good cook. I glad fully accept his cooking offers. When I jot down recipes, there is often things I don’t write down because I know how, and what to do while cooking the recipe. I also have a habit of not following the recipe to a T but changing it where I see fit. Well, these changes I don’t write down and I often think some of this is a given without having to jot it down. I guess in a sense, I take cliff notes for my recipes. I didn’t realize I did this until he was following a recipe and he skipped a step (I didn’t have it written on the index card). This has happened on more than one occasion. When he told me it didn’t look right, I began asking did he do this, this, and this. He missed one step. The step that was missing from my written recipe. At first, I replied with “Why didn’t you follow the recipe?” And that is when he told me, “It didn’t say to do that.” I had to investigate the recipe and realized, he was right. Then I was baffled on how he didn’t know to this certain step that in my head, everyone knows to do this. I helped him fix the recipe but I was condescending. I acted as if, he SHOULD have known what to do. My attitude should have been, “sorry dear. I didn’t write it down on the recipe but that’s ok, it can be fixed.”

The bible tells us to humble our self. We should serve one another including our husband with meekness, humility, and gentleness.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, (Ephesians 4:1-2)

 

3.) Disagreeing with kind words- Throughout the years of marriage, there will be many disagreements. You will not always see eye to eye on every single subject and that is ok. But if you do disagree, your response should be with kind words. Some of us can get very heated when someone doesn’t agree with us. Calling them an idiot, stupid, or whatever offensive name you can think of doesn’t do any good. And it definitely doesn’t show your husband respect. Respecting his opinion doesn’t mean you have to change your opinion to match his opinion. It simply means to hear his side of the argument and when you still don’t agree, explain your side calmly and kindly. If you both can not see eye to eye on the issue, simply agree to disagree and respect his opinion.

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant  must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone,able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, (1 Timothy 2:23-25)

4.) Be the help meet- As the wife, we are called to be the help meet. God said it is not good for the man to be alone. We are called to help our husbands out. If he is working on a project, help him out. Help him get the tools. While he is at work, clean the home, cook the food, do the laundry. Take care of the household duties.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18)

5.) Submissive vs. Dominating

Often, we see two different kinds of women in the home. You have the submissive women and then you have the dominating women. The women is either submissive to her husband and other times, you have the woman who acts like the head of the household.

The Bible tells women to be submissive to their husband. Just like Christ is the head of the Church so is the husband over the household. Women are should submit to their husbands EVEN if the husband is an unbeliever. In 1 Peter 3, it states the wife should submit so that the husband might be won over by seeing her pure, honorable conduct, and deep respect.The believing wife could possibly win over the unbelieving husband by letting her light shine.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

Most Christian woman understand how they should not act like the head of the household. Most men also tend to use this verse to “put their woman in their place” so to speak. Scripture clearly shows how the woman should not be dominating in her home and be subject to her husband. But there is such a thing as being too submissive.

Many Christians today have became so passive with their faith, we don’t stand for anything. I think the same concept can be applied to the wives. Yes, we should submit to our husbands but if you husband tells you to do something that is against the Bible, then you should obey God. The heroes of the Bible stood firm in what they believed in. They didn’t back down to kings, rulers, or anyone who had dominion over them when it came to disobeying God. Women shouldn’t be submissive if it violates God’s commands.

To explain myself, here is an example. Most men today have easy access to pornography. Men tend to struggle with lust more than women. There are also many stumbling blocks placed in their path. A woman in short shorts walking through the grocery store. The half naked woman displayed on most magazines placed at the checkout stand. Advertisements blasting through the television on a family network with women prancing around in lingerie.  All these things are thrown at men these days but it doesn’t give them an excuse to take part in this. When men do this, not only are they disobeying God, but also corrupting their marriage. Jesus said that whosoever looked at a woman with lust had already committed adultery in his heart. (Matthew 5:28) Most women today make excuses for their husbands saying, “I don’t care where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home for supper.” Or, “It’s only natural for men to take part in this.” Or, “It’s no big deal” but deep down it hurts their marriage and hurts the wife. This attitude is wrong.

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! (Isaiah 5:20)

By saying it is ok for men to lust after women, we are calling evil good and good evil. In this case, the women should stand firm and hold to her faith. If she simply doesn’t say anything, she is condoning the wrongful actions. She should tell her husband, “Hey lusting after women is wrong, God calls it a sin, and it hurts me.” This is not being dominant. This is speaking up and standing up for what is right. If a woman was being beaten by her husband, should she simply be submissive?

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Somewhere between these two extremes, we need to find a happy medium. We should be submissive to our husbands but not willing to waver on right from wrong.

6.) Praise Him for his Accomplishments– Men LOVE to hear praises when they have done a good job. I don’t think this stretches just to the men, but to everyone. When we accomplish something, we like to hear good things and a husband wants to hear the praises from his wife. He needs to hear it. He needs to know his wife loves, supports, and sees his worth.

7.)Support Him during good times and the bad- We say our wedding vows stating that we will stick with them though sickness and in health, in the good and bad times. We are making a vow to God that we will stick it out with that one special person until death. Supporting that special someone is often easy when things are going well. Sometimes, supporting them during the bad times can be tough.  But through the trials of your relationship a better understanding of each other can be accomplished and a marriage can grow stronger from it. Use the bad times to learn and grow to make more good times.

8.)Let him have his projects- About a year or 2 ago, my husband had this idea that he could build a shed out of pallets (thank you pinterest lol). He could get the pallets for free from his work. We talked it over and we agreed he would start on his project. He used Google Sketchup to make a blueprint. He got a buddy to help him haul them home. The whole time, he had an ear to ear grin. Let me tell you, I wasn’t fond of this idea but the pallets were free and our current shed wasn’t in great condition. He brought home 100+ pallets and placed them in our back yard. Fast forward to now, 2 years later, and those 100+ pallets are still sitting in our back yard. We are currently giving them away to anyone that wants some as well as using them for small projects. Needless to say, the shed isn’t being built. In my husband’s defense, we were placed in a high risk flood zone. We had to have a surveyor come out so we didn’t have to pay for insurance we couldn’t afford and didn’t think we needed. 95% of the time we are in a drought. And they wanted to keep us in a flood zone because of our rusty, leaky shed that has no door on it. Anyways, after is was all said and done, we got the flood insurance taken off and now we basically can’t build any structure in our back yard unless we want to add flood insurance to it. It’s ridiculous but that’s how everything fell.

My husband said he felt respected because I didn’t prevent him from trying to start his project. He said I respected him enough to attempt to build a shed. When we were discussing this blog post, he brought this example up to me. At first, I didn’t see how this showed him respect but to him, it meant a whole lot to him that I had approved his idea.  Now he has brought materials home to build an aquaponics system.

If his projects or interests don’t interfere with the budget, family time, or is causing him to stumble, then let him have his projects.

9.) Make time for him

Things can get hectic when having kids, friends, family, church, etc. When you respect someone you will make time for that person. We should show our husbands enough respect to put down the phone when he gets home from work. Take a break from the household chores to spend some time with him. Close out the computer, tablet, cell phone, book, or whatever distraction that is in your way and give him your undivided attention. Simply giving him eye contact can shows respect. He needs your undivided attention.

10.) Speak only kindly about your husband 

Most women like to talk. And sometimes our mouths can get us in trouble. When speaking about our husband, we should speak about his good points and speak only positively about him. If we do have an issue with our spouse, we should talk to them in private without “other ears” listening. I feel when a husband and a wife have a disagreement, it should be handled behind closed doors. The children do not need to hear the quarreling. We have to remember, our children are like sponges. They soak up everything including the bad. If we are disrespectful to our husband or even speak negatively about him to a friend or family member, they might think this attitude is ok.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29) 

 

What did we miss? What are some things you do to respect your husband? Husbands, how do you feel respected by your wives?

 

Keys to a happy marriage

The keys to a happy marriage requires you to change the way you treat your spouse. We often try to change our spouse and blame them for the shortcomings in a marriage. We can’t change our spouse but we can change our ways. As your read through the list, try to keep yourself in mind and not how you can change your spouse.

First of all, let me put out there I am no expert in this area. I fall short most of the time in all of these areas. I have a lot of room to grow. Here is a list I came up with to what I believe are keys to a happy marriage. I am sure I have missed some attributes but here is the list…….

Forgiveness- This one can be difficult especially if you have been hurt by someone you care deeply for. We often expect forgiveness if we have wronged someone but are not very gracious to return the favor. The bible speaks of how we should forgive others just as Jesus is wiling to forgive us of our sins. If you don’t learn to forgive, bitterness, anger, and turmoil will store up deep within you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forget how you have been wronged, it simply means you are on the road to healing the pain you were caused.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 

 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)

 

Love– Among all of humanity, love is the deepest strongest emotion one can feel.  We seek it, we yearn for it and it is one of the best emotions one can feel. It is also one of the hardest emotions to put into words because the emotion is so deep, wonderful, and magnificent. In a marriage, your spouse is the one you have chosen till death do you part. In 1 Corinthians we can see that with great hope, faith, and great gifts, it means absolutely nothing without love.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

 

In order to love our spouse to the fullest depth, we first must love the Lord. I’m sure most of you know John 3:16 very well. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) God loved us so much he sent his only son to die for our sins. Jesus loved us so much that he willingly died on the cross. He suffered in anguish and pain for our sins so we might have everlasting life in heaven. This is truly self sacrificial love. A love that put your needs, my needs, and everyone else’s needs before his life. We can look to this example and apply it in our marriage. If we show love towards our husbands, we will want to take care of his needs. Some ways we can take care of his needs is by preparing a home cooked meal (they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach), doing the laundry, cleaning the home, helping him with whatever task he needs help with,  teaching our children, being supportive, being there in times of trouble, and the private matters between a husband and wife. Husbands are supposed to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25) If you skip down a few verses, you read; So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Ephesians 5: 28-29) A man’s wife should be someone who he cherishes, loves, and seeks the best for his wife. He should love his wife just as if it were his own body. 

Kindness– Being kind to one another is an action of love. You recognize their wants, needs and want to help them meet those needs or wants. Acts of kindness can be simple actions that speak from the heart. A few examples of kindness might be preparing their favorite meal, picking them up their favorite drink or candy bar, fluffing their pillow, doing one of their chores, or simply telling them how much they mean to you.

In the beginning of marriage, acts of kindness come easily and frequently. After the honeymoon phase passes, we often forget to do these simple things. No matter how long you have been married, we should still be doing these simple things that tell our spouse “I still love you.”

Prayer– The best gift we can give to our spouse is to pray for them. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to pray for ourself. 1 Thessalonians 5: 17 reads; “Pray without ceasing.” We should continually seek help from the Lord. Praying throughout the day is one of my trouble spots that I seem to fail at often. I forget to take time to pray throughout the day and to take everything to the Lord in prayer.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Christ centered marriage- If we don’t have Christ in our lives, we are using our own moral judgement to justify ourselves. Right from wrong can easily be swayed to our own selfish desires, wants, and in return justifying oneself. It is easy to return evil for evil when we feel we have been wronged but it is often difficult to return evil with good. If we turn our self to Christ and follows his teaching, we learn to try to put our own selfishness aside and love others. In a marriage, it is easy to see our spouse’s faults but are sometimes blind to our own shortcomings. Christ is the solid foundation for a thriving and happy marriage. Jesus spoke the wise man building his house on a rock.

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. (Matthew 7:24-27)

Jesus is our solid rock of foundation. If we build our house upon him, our home can withstand the storms the devil will send our way. The Lord wants us our marriage to succeed. The devil on the other, no so much.

Communication- Communication is an important role in a thriving marriage. Both husband and wife should be able to express their views, opinions, and feelings to one another respectfully. Yelling and screaming are not good forms of communication. They both stem from anger and when one is angry, the thoughts are clouded, and emotions run hot. I am sure we have all said hurtful things and things we don’t mean when we have been overtaken with anger.

A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. (Proverbs 15:18)

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. (Psalms 37:8)

Looking at the above verses, anger only brings strife and evil. Someone who is slow to anger can ward off conflict. I think it is important to remember, we will not always agree on all subjects. We should respect the other’s opinion but that doesn’t mean we have to bend to their opinion. Disagreeing is ok.

We often think of communication just in the spoken form but some other forms of communication to remember are our body language, tone of voice, the way we speak to our spouse, gestures, and physical touch.
Think about how you act around your spouse. Do you speak kind words to them or do spouts of venom come out of your mouth? Do you smile at them across the room or are you too busy to even look up from your cell phone when they walk in the room? Do you reach for their hand or do you keep your distance? Do you pick up their favorite drink when you run to the store or do you only complain about how they fall short?

Trust- We often take trust for granted, and we do it unintentionally. Trust is knowing they are at work when they say they are. Trust is knowing that money was spent on what they said it was. Without trust, a spouse can go literally insane from worrying. When they tell you something, trust is taking their word for it.

Understanding- When little tiffs or arguments happen, try to understand their side of the situation. it is asking yourself why they are acting the way they are, rather than focusing on why you are acting the way you are. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and try to see their side.

Humility-realizing that we are not the greatest thing ever put on this planet. We have to realize that we are all human, we all make mistakes, we all mess up and we all have to see that in ourselves and in others. We must humble ourselves.

Respect– The definition of respect is 1. (noun)a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 2. (verb) admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Through this definition we can see you admire the person you respect. You hold their opinions and viewpoints in high regards even if you don’t agree. 

Giving– marriage is a give and take. You’re either giving or you’re taking. It takes give and take from both sides to make a marriage work. Sometimes you need to watch that guy movie, usually in my case it’s a documentary lol, instead of that chick flick your dying to see.

 

What are some characteristics you believe are keys to a happy marriage? How do you apply these characteristics to your own marriage? Where can you improve?

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