10 Ways to Respect Your Husband

In today’s society, we often have loud voices about how the woman deserves respect. We have a tendency to voice our opinion on how the woman WILL be respected. But sometimes we forget the men. The heads of the household are often disrespected. We are so focused on respect for the women, we over run and overpower the men.

A few days ago, my hubby and I were studying the bible. And the scripture got me to start thinking. I know, this is what it should do :-p but sometimes verses make you dig deeper than other times. The next day, Matt Walsh posted a blog post called “Your Husband doesn’t Have to Earn Your Respect.” We all know what respect means but do we all really know how to give it? I began pondering “What ways can a Wife show her respect for her husband?”

“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33) 

I think one of the best examples we can look at is Christ and his Church. How would Christ’s Church show respect to Christ? I asked my hubby to brainstorm with me. I wanted his input on how a wife could respect their husband. And here is the list we came up with.

List of Ways to Respect Your Husband

1.)Encourage them with Love. When he stumbles, be there for him and encourage him to get back on his feet. We all have our weaknesses and the devil is constantly looking to put stumbling blocks in our way. We should be there to offer a helping hand to help him back on his feet.

Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

2.)Give input without a condescending attitude– No one likes it when someone talks to them with a condescending attitude. It shows the utmost disrespect to the person that is being spoken to. Most people, do not take this kind of criticism lightly and usually directly offends the person. If we respect our husband, we will speak to him with kindness. If you are helping your husband out with a project, giving him your honest opinion is valuable. But it must be done with respect and in a loving manner. Your input is worth something but if you try to put him down, respond with negativity in your voice, or even act like he is stupid, he probably won’t take lightly to your words.

My husband knows me very well and sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He knows when I have had a rough day without me telling him. On rough days, my husband will offer to cook supper for me. Before I share the story, let me put out there, my husband is a pretty good cook. I glad fully accept his cooking offers. When I jot down recipes, there is often things I don’t write down because I know how, and what to do while cooking the recipe. I also have a habit of not following the recipe to a T but changing it where I see fit. Well, these changes I don’t write down and I often think some of this is a given without having to jot it down. I guess in a sense, I take cliff notes for my recipes. I didn’t realize I did this until he was following a recipe and he skipped a step (I didn’t have it written on the index card). This has happened on more than one occasion. When he told me it didn’t look right, I began asking did he do this, this, and this. He missed one step. The step that was missing from my written recipe. At first, I replied with “Why didn’t you follow the recipe?” And that is when he told me, “It didn’t say to do that.” I had to investigate the recipe and realized, he was right. Then I was baffled on how he didn’t know to this certain step that in my head, everyone knows to do this. I helped him fix the recipe but I was condescending. I acted as if, he SHOULD have known what to do. My attitude should have been, “sorry dear. I didn’t write it down on the recipe but that’s ok, it can be fixed.”

The bible tells us to humble our self. We should serve one another including our husband with meekness, humility, and gentleness.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, (Ephesians 4:1-2)

 

3.) Disagreeing with kind words- Throughout the years of marriage, there will be many disagreements. You will not always see eye to eye on every single subject and that is ok. But if you do disagree, your response should be with kind words. Some of us can get very heated when someone doesn’t agree with us. Calling them an idiot, stupid, or whatever offensive name you can think of doesn’t do any good. And it definitely doesn’t show your husband respect. Respecting his opinion doesn’t mean you have to change your opinion to match his opinion. It simply means to hear his side of the argument and when you still don’t agree, explain your side calmly and kindly. If you both can not see eye to eye on the issue, simply agree to disagree and respect his opinion.

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant  must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone,able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, (1 Timothy 2:23-25)

4.) Be the help meet- As the wife, we are called to be the help meet. God said it is not good for the man to be alone. We are called to help our husbands out. If he is working on a project, help him out. Help him get the tools. While he is at work, clean the home, cook the food, do the laundry. Take care of the household duties.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18)

5.) Submissive vs. Dominating

Often, we see two different kinds of women in the home. You have the submissive women and then you have the dominating women. The women is either submissive to her husband and other times, you have the woman who acts like the head of the household.

The Bible tells women to be submissive to their husband. Just like Christ is the head of the Church so is the husband over the household. Women are should submit to their husbands EVEN if the husband is an unbeliever. In 1 Peter 3, it states the wife should submit so that the husband might be won over by seeing her pure, honorable conduct, and deep respect.The believing wife could possibly win over the unbelieving husband by letting her light shine.

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,  when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

Most Christian woman understand how they should not act like the head of the household. Most men also tend to use this verse to “put their woman in their place” so to speak. Scripture clearly shows how the woman should not be dominating in her home and be subject to her husband. But there is such a thing as being too submissive.

Many Christians today have became so passive with their faith, we don’t stand for anything. I think the same concept can be applied to the wives. Yes, we should submit to our husbands but if you husband tells you to do something that is against the Bible, then you should obey God. The heroes of the Bible stood firm in what they believed in. They didn’t back down to kings, rulers, or anyone who had dominion over them when it came to disobeying God. Women shouldn’t be submissive if it violates God’s commands.

To explain myself, here is an example. Most men today have easy access to pornography. Men tend to struggle with lust more than women. There are also many stumbling blocks placed in their path. A woman in short shorts walking through the grocery store. The half naked woman displayed on most magazines placed at the checkout stand. Advertisements blasting through the television on a family network with women prancing around in lingerie.  All these things are thrown at men these days but it doesn’t give them an excuse to take part in this. When men do this, not only are they disobeying God, but also corrupting their marriage. Jesus said that whosoever looked at a woman with lust had already committed adultery in his heart. (Matthew 5:28) Most women today make excuses for their husbands saying, “I don’t care where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home for supper.” Or, “It’s only natural for men to take part in this.” Or, “It’s no big deal” but deep down it hurts their marriage and hurts the wife. This attitude is wrong.

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! (Isaiah 5:20)

By saying it is ok for men to lust after women, we are calling evil good and good evil. In this case, the women should stand firm and hold to her faith. If she simply doesn’t say anything, she is condoning the wrongful actions. She should tell her husband, “Hey lusting after women is wrong, God calls it a sin, and it hurts me.” This is not being dominant. This is speaking up and standing up for what is right. If a woman was being beaten by her husband, should she simply be submissive?

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Somewhere between these two extremes, we need to find a happy medium. We should be submissive to our husbands but not willing to waver on right from wrong.

6.) Praise Him for his Accomplishments– Men LOVE to hear praises when they have done a good job. I don’t think this stretches just to the men, but to everyone. When we accomplish something, we like to hear good things and a husband wants to hear the praises from his wife. He needs to hear it. He needs to know his wife loves, supports, and sees his worth.

7.)Support Him during good times and the bad- We say our wedding vows stating that we will stick with them though sickness and in health, in the good and bad times. We are making a vow to God that we will stick it out with that one special person until death. Supporting that special someone is often easy when things are going well. Sometimes, supporting them during the bad times can be tough.  But through the trials of your relationship a better understanding of each other can be accomplished and a marriage can grow stronger from it. Use the bad times to learn and grow to make more good times.

8.)Let him have his projects- About a year or 2 ago, my husband had this idea that he could build a shed out of pallets (thank you pinterest lol). He could get the pallets for free from his work. We talked it over and we agreed he would start on his project. He used Google Sketchup to make a blueprint. He got a buddy to help him haul them home. The whole time, he had an ear to ear grin. Let me tell you, I wasn’t fond of this idea but the pallets were free and our current shed wasn’t in great condition. He brought home 100+ pallets and placed them in our back yard. Fast forward to now, 2 years later, and those 100+ pallets are still sitting in our back yard. We are currently giving them away to anyone that wants some as well as using them for small projects. Needless to say, the shed isn’t being built. In my husband’s defense, we were placed in a high risk flood zone. We had to have a surveyor come out so we didn’t have to pay for insurance we couldn’t afford and didn’t think we needed. 95% of the time we are in a drought. And they wanted to keep us in a flood zone because of our rusty, leaky shed that has no door on it. Anyways, after is was all said and done, we got the flood insurance taken off and now we basically can’t build any structure in our back yard unless we want to add flood insurance to it. It’s ridiculous but that’s how everything fell.

My husband said he felt respected because I didn’t prevent him from trying to start his project. He said I respected him enough to attempt to build a shed. When we were discussing this blog post, he brought this example up to me. At first, I didn’t see how this showed him respect but to him, it meant a whole lot to him that I had approved his idea.  Now he has brought materials home to build an aquaponics system.

If his projects or interests don’t interfere with the budget, family time, or is causing him to stumble, then let him have his projects.

9.) Make time for him

Things can get hectic when having kids, friends, family, church, etc. When you respect someone you will make time for that person. We should show our husbands enough respect to put down the phone when he gets home from work. Take a break from the household chores to spend some time with him. Close out the computer, tablet, cell phone, book, or whatever distraction that is in your way and give him your undivided attention. Simply giving him eye contact can shows respect. He needs your undivided attention.

10.) Speak only kindly about your husband 

Most women like to talk. And sometimes our mouths can get us in trouble. When speaking about our husband, we should speak about his good points and speak only positively about him. If we do have an issue with our spouse, we should talk to them in private without “other ears” listening. I feel when a husband and a wife have a disagreement, it should be handled behind closed doors. The children do not need to hear the quarreling. We have to remember, our children are like sponges. They soak up everything including the bad. If we are disrespectful to our husband or even speak negatively about him to a friend or family member, they might think this attitude is ok.

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29) 

 

What did we miss? What are some things you do to respect your husband? Husbands, how do you feel respected by your wives?

 

DIY girls skirt

A few years ago, I made my oldest daughter a 4th of July pillowcase dress. The pillowcase dress now fits my youngest so I wanted to make my oldest a simple 4th of July skirt. I still had fabric left over from the pillowcase dress and I knew both my girls would love to match. Here is the tutorial I used as an outline on how to sew this super easy skirt. Dana Made it:  DIY girls skirt Tutorial 

           

    

First you need to take your measurements.

 

Measure the waist

Measure your child’s waist. My child’s waist measured about 24.5 so I rounded up to 25. Take that number and multiply it by 1.5. If you want a fuller skirt, multiply it by 2.

Your measurements : (Child’s waist )X (1.5) = Width of material

My Measurements: (25) X (1.5)=37.5

 

Measure the Length

Measure the length you want the skirt to be. I measured from waist to knees.  Then add 2 inches.

Your Measurements: (Length of skirt) + 2 = Length of material

My Measurements: (12)+ (2)= 14

 

Elastic

The length of the elastic should be about 1/2 shorter that the measurement for the waist. When you overlap the elastic and sew it, the elastic will be about 1 in- 1.5 in. This will all depend on how much you overlap. You want the elastic to be smaller than their waist so it stay up. I originally cut the elastic 1 inch more than the waist measurement. I sewed the elastic together and before closing up the waist, I had my daughter try on the skirt. It was too loose. So I had to rip the seam, cut off some of the elastic, and sew back together.

Your Measurement: (Child’s Waist) – (0.5)= Length of Elastic

My Measurement: (25)-(0.5)=24.5 inches

 

Cut Fabric

Using the measurements, cut out your fabric of choice.

Iron waist and hem

Ironing Waist

From the top of the fabric where the waist will be, fold the fabric in 0.5 in. Make sure you are folding the fabric from the outside (the part of the fabric you want to show) to the inside of the skirt (part of the fabric that will not show). Now iron.

Now fold the fabric  over 1 in again. Make sure to keep the first fold inside the second as you iron. If you were to completely unfold both folds it should total to 1.5 inches.

 

Ironing Hem

The method for the hem is the same concept as ironing the waist. Fold the raw edge from the outside to inside. The first fold will measure 0.25 in. Iron.

Fold fabric over 0.25 in making sure to keep the first fold inside the 2nd fold. Iron. If you completely unfold both folds, it should total 0.5 in.

 

Begin sewing

Sew Inseam

Take your fabric and fold it in half  with the outside facing in. Match the two inseams up. This seam will run the length of the skirt (from waist to hem). Unfold where you ironed the waist and the hem before you sew. You can use pins to hold the fabric in place while you sew. Before you begin sewing, Sew about 0.5 inch into the fabric. I used the guidelines on my sewing machine to sew. *** At the beginning and end of each straight stitch, you will need to back stitch. This will keep the thread from coming undone.

 

Sew Hem

Take the fabric and fold the bottom (hem) to the inside of the skirt. This is where you previously ironed the hem. You should be able to clearly see the crease from where you ironed. The fabric will probably want to turn inside. Make sure you have both creases in. You do not want the raw edge to show. Now sew a straight stitch making sure to keep the raw fabric on the inside of the crease.

 

Sew Waist

Fold the fabric in using the creases as a guideline. Measure approximately 2 in (this doesn’t have to be exact) and mark them with pins. The pins will tell you when to start and stop sewing. You will need to leave a gap so you can feed your elastic into the waist. Make sure not to sew over the pins. I have been told you can sew over them but I have bent my pins doing this and my sewing machine didn’t seem to like it either.

Feed elastic and sew the elastic

Place large safety pins on each end of the elastic. The safety pins will help you feed the elastic into the waist. I just recently learned the tip to use one on each end. I was glad I tried it because as I was trying to adjust the elastic, the back end slipped in the fabric. Normally, I would have to re-feed the elastic back through.

Pull both ends of the  elastic out of the waist so you can get them under your pressure foot.  Remove the safety pins. Overlap the ends about 3/4 in and place under pressure foot. I used a zig zag stitch to hold the elastic. Sew forward and then backwards a couple of times. Now, pull on the waist so that the elastic disappears in the waist.

Now you can close up the gap. Sew the gap that you left open for the elastic.

Hope you find this helpful! If you use this tutorial, please share your creations!

 

 

Church Busy Bag

Church Busy Bag- How to keep your toddler busy in church

 

Keeping a toddler quiet in church can often be a challenge to the new mom or the experienced mom. The best way that I have to keep my toddler quiet in church is by having a “busy bag.” I use the diaper bag as the “busy bag.” One thing to always keep in mind is sometimes, you will have to pull them back to the nursery. Even the most well behaved children will have their moments.

Also remember, some of this comes with experience. If your family has just recently began attending church, being still might be a challenge at first. It is a learning process and they will get the hang of being quiet in church eventually. Try not to get too frustrated with it at first. Most other adults who have young children or older children completely understand. Trust me, when I see a mom struggling with her children and eventually head back to the nursery, I don’t think twice about it. I have been there and I understand so try not to be too hard on yourself!

Here a list on how to keep your toddler quiet in church.

•  Snacks. Sometimes the best way to keep them quiet is to give them something to keep their mouth busy. Cheerios, fruit loops, goldfish, dried fruit, raisins, animal crackers, or whatever kind of  dry snack your child enjoys.  My favorite way to bring some of these snacks are in the Munchkin snack catchers. I bought mine at Wal-Mart. I’ve seen them at Target, Heb, and other retailers but you can also follow the link above to purchase them from Amazon. These are great, inexpensive, and reusable. Toddlers often dump things, knock things off, and are even known to throw things (sometimes at the head of the person sitting in the pew in front of you!) The rubber top keeps things from spilling out if it is accidentally dropped but the rubber is made where they can easily stick their hand in to grab their snack. These also work great for snacks in the car. I also like them because they do not make racket like plastic wrappers and plastic baggies.

• Coloring books. To some this might be an obvious choice. I have coloring books that are not used unless we are in church. To my toddler, these are special coloring books. They can only color in them during church. I also have a separate set of crayons that are always stashed in the bag as well. Kids also love the Twistable Crayons. You could even keep the special crayons in the bag as well.

• Pen and notepad. My daughter loves to doodle in church and at home. She prefers a pen. I don’t know why this one works but it does. It could be because mommy and daddy use pens so she wants to be like us or that she is not allowed to have a pen all the time. She used to write on the couches, walls, toilet seat cover (yes, I have ink marks on the toilet seat cover that I can not get off for the life of me), and whatever else she could find. So she was on a no pen policy for a while. My oldest also enjoys drawing. The picture below is her picture of a butterfly.

• Imagine Ink Books. Kids love these things. There is one marker that only works on the Imagine Ink Book. The kids can color wherever and the colors begin to appear. They come with different characters such as Mickey, Disney Princesses, Hello Kitty, Planes, Thomas the Train and other popular characters. Another member of the church gave my children these and they LOVE them. You can pick them up at Family Dollar for $3. You can also buy the Imagine Ink Books at Amazon but they are more.

• Foam puzzles Don’t underestimate the foam puzzles. Both my daughters love foam puzzles. The simpler ones like the 123 foam puzzle my toddler enjoys and my 6 year old has used the United States and an elephant that is the alphabet. You can find them at Dollar Tree, and Staples carries them at the beginning of the school year for $1! I have purchased the anatomy, brain, digestive system, and more complicated puzzles for home school from Staples to use later on down the road. You can get these online but they are anywhere from $4-$9 which seems to be overpriced when I paid a mere buck for them locally. I keep the pieces in a ziplock baggy when I store them in the diaper bag so we don’t lose the pieces. My toddler also likes to put it together, take the pieces out and put them back in the baggy, and do it all over again. Sometimes she stands in the floor with the puzzle on the pew and sometimes we pull down the bible table (I’m not sure what the correct term is but they have built in tables  to hold your bible or song book in the pew in front of ours that folds down when not in use).

• Quiet Books If you browse Pinterest for activities for toddlers, you have probably came across quiet books. They are basically books made out of felt fabric. You can make your own or buy them from Etsy. The Quiet Book Blog has templates so you can make your own quiet book.  Pinterest also has many quiet book ideas.

• Stickers Such a simple idea but kids love stickers.

 

• Felt Food I made a simple bag of chips, sandwich, Swiss cake roll (I forgot to include the roll in the picture) and a lunch bag out of felt to put in the busy bag. They are pretty simple and cheap to make. There are TONS of different kind of felt foods on pinterest. Here is just one board on Pinterest that is loaded with different tutorials for felt food; Make!~Felt Food on Pinterest. I have seen pizza with all the toppings, cherry pie slices, pancakes, eggs, bacon, you name it. The sky is the limit with felt foods. If your not the DIY kind of person, Melissa & Doug sell some felt food. Here are some links on Amazon to felt food; Melissa & Doug Felt Food Sandwhich Set, Melissa & Dough Pizza Set, Melissa & Dough Burrito and Taco Set
• Ask other moms Moms have a knack for finding clever ways to keep their children busy. Sometimes, kids find fascination with normal day objects. When I was little, I would sit with another member of the church. She had this calculator but this wasn’t any calculator. The buttons looked like jewels! LOL For whatever reason, I LOVED this calculator. I still to this day remember that calculator and so does the member. She loves to tell the story of how my mom was about to her wits end of trying to keep me busy so she started keeping me during church and I would be a little angel with her lol. I sat with her until her son had a terrible football accident that left him paralyzed from neck down. One day, my daughter scooted down to a member in church and found a fascination with her mirror. I tried to buy a mirror from the dollar store which worked for a little while but obviously the mirror I bought wasn’t as cool as hers. lol

That is my list of goodies that I use to keep my toddler busy during church.

How do you keep your toddler busy during church? What are your tricks of the trade? 

How to get gum out of hair in 5 minutes

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I think every mom has been in the predicament where their child has got gum stuck in their hair. It is never just slightly stuck, they have an act for really getting in there good. I have used the peanut butter method and I’m not a big fan. After you get the gum out, you then have to get the peanut butter out. The reason the peanut butter method works is due to the oil in the peanut butter. So here it the simple solution on how to get gum out of hair. Coconut oil. Yes the wonderful coconut oil. Among the MANY uses of coconut, here is another one!

Last Sunday, my daughter came to me with a big wad of gum stuck in her hair. We had about 20 minutes before we had to get ready to go to the church. I very quickly googled how to get the gum out of her hair. I didn’t want to use peanut butter and I definitely didn’t want to cut her hair. I didn’t know if the coconut oil would work. I went ahead and took before pictures so I could share the results with ya’ll.

I buy the vitacost organic coconut oil. Vitacost is always having sales. I have the 54 fl oz that I purchased for $15 when it was on sale. Regularly it is $21.99. At my local grocery store, the 16 oz jar of coconut oil (non organic) is about $9-10. Since I had coconut oil on hand, I figured I would give it a shot.

Here is the before:

 

 

Sorry the pictures are blurry. She was wiggling when I was trying to snap a photo.

Not quite 5 minutes later, here is what her hair looked like.

The second picture, you can see me pulling the strands of hair where the gum was. As you can see, there is no remains left. I was amazed at how easy and effective this was.

The Process

The process is easy and quick. All I did was get a little bit of coconut oil on fingertips and began working it into the gum. You should start seeing the gum start to separate from the hair and then you can slide the gum out. I got the majority out of her hair the first time I tried to slide it out but there was small remains of the gum left behind. For the remaining pieces, get a paper towel or an unpaper towel and wrap it over the gum. Slide the paper towel or unpaper towel down to ends. Keep doing this until all the gum is out. It actually took me under 5 minutes to get all the gum out and there was no struggling.

Next time, I will try using a paper towel from the beginning. I normally try to use unpaper towels but I wanted to be able to just toss it into the trash. I didn’t know if the gum would adhere to the unpaper towel so this might be something to keep in mind when choosing between a paper towl or unpaper towel.

Just a note, coconut oil is very good for the hair but a little bit goes a long way! If you glob a lot of coconut oil onto the hair, it can make it appear greasy. I have very thick, long hair and with other products, I have to use quiet a bit of product on my hair. But not with coconut oil! I use coconut oil (just a tiny bit) rubbed over my hair. It helps tame the frizz and nourishes the hair.

So there you have it. Easy, quick, and effective!

 There you have it! Hope this helps! What are your thoughts? Have you tried this method? How did it work for you? 

 

Keys to a happy marriage

The keys to a happy marriage requires you to change the way you treat your spouse. We often try to change our spouse and blame them for the shortcomings in a marriage. We can’t change our spouse but we can change our ways. As your read through the list, try to keep yourself in mind and not how you can change your spouse.

First of all, let me put out there I am no expert in this area. I fall short most of the time in all of these areas. I have a lot of room to grow. Here is a list I came up with to what I believe are keys to a happy marriage. I am sure I have missed some attributes but here is the list…….

Forgiveness- This one can be difficult especially if you have been hurt by someone you care deeply for. We often expect forgiveness if we have wronged someone but are not very gracious to return the favor. The bible speaks of how we should forgive others just as Jesus is wiling to forgive us of our sins. If you don’t learn to forgive, bitterness, anger, and turmoil will store up deep within you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forget how you have been wronged, it simply means you are on the road to healing the pain you were caused.

For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 

 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)

 

Love– Among all of humanity, love is the deepest strongest emotion one can feel.  We seek it, we yearn for it and it is one of the best emotions one can feel. It is also one of the hardest emotions to put into words because the emotion is so deep, wonderful, and magnificent. In a marriage, your spouse is the one you have chosen till death do you part. In 1 Corinthians we can see that with great hope, faith, and great gifts, it means absolutely nothing without love.

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

 

In order to love our spouse to the fullest depth, we first must love the Lord. I’m sure most of you know John 3:16 very well. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) God loved us so much he sent his only son to die for our sins. Jesus loved us so much that he willingly died on the cross. He suffered in anguish and pain for our sins so we might have everlasting life in heaven. This is truly self sacrificial love. A love that put your needs, my needs, and everyone else’s needs before his life. We can look to this example and apply it in our marriage. If we show love towards our husbands, we will want to take care of his needs. Some ways we can take care of his needs is by preparing a home cooked meal (they say a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach), doing the laundry, cleaning the home, helping him with whatever task he needs help with,  teaching our children, being supportive, being there in times of trouble, and the private matters between a husband and wife. Husbands are supposed to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25) If you skip down a few verses, you read; So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: (Ephesians 5: 28-29) A man’s wife should be someone who he cherishes, loves, and seeks the best for his wife. He should love his wife just as if it were his own body. 

Kindness– Being kind to one another is an action of love. You recognize their wants, needs and want to help them meet those needs or wants. Acts of kindness can be simple actions that speak from the heart. A few examples of kindness might be preparing their favorite meal, picking them up their favorite drink or candy bar, fluffing their pillow, doing one of their chores, or simply telling them how much they mean to you.

In the beginning of marriage, acts of kindness come easily and frequently. After the honeymoon phase passes, we often forget to do these simple things. No matter how long you have been married, we should still be doing these simple things that tell our spouse “I still love you.”

Prayer– The best gift we can give to our spouse is to pray for them. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to pray for ourself. 1 Thessalonians 5: 17 reads; “Pray without ceasing.” We should continually seek help from the Lord. Praying throughout the day is one of my trouble spots that I seem to fail at often. I forget to take time to pray throughout the day and to take everything to the Lord in prayer.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Christ centered marriage- If we don’t have Christ in our lives, we are using our own moral judgement to justify ourselves. Right from wrong can easily be swayed to our own selfish desires, wants, and in return justifying oneself. It is easy to return evil for evil when we feel we have been wronged but it is often difficult to return evil with good. If we turn our self to Christ and follows his teaching, we learn to try to put our own selfishness aside and love others. In a marriage, it is easy to see our spouse’s faults but are sometimes blind to our own shortcomings. Christ is the solid foundation for a thriving and happy marriage. Jesus spoke the wise man building his house on a rock.

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. (Matthew 7:24-27)

Jesus is our solid rock of foundation. If we build our house upon him, our home can withstand the storms the devil will send our way. The Lord wants us our marriage to succeed. The devil on the other, no so much.

Communication- Communication is an important role in a thriving marriage. Both husband and wife should be able to express their views, opinions, and feelings to one another respectfully. Yelling and screaming are not good forms of communication. They both stem from anger and when one is angry, the thoughts are clouded, and emotions run hot. I am sure we have all said hurtful things and things we don’t mean when we have been overtaken with anger.

A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. (Proverbs 15:18)

Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. (Psalms 37:8)

Looking at the above verses, anger only brings strife and evil. Someone who is slow to anger can ward off conflict. I think it is important to remember, we will not always agree on all subjects. We should respect the other’s opinion but that doesn’t mean we have to bend to their opinion. Disagreeing is ok.

We often think of communication just in the spoken form but some other forms of communication to remember are our body language, tone of voice, the way we speak to our spouse, gestures, and physical touch.
Think about how you act around your spouse. Do you speak kind words to them or do spouts of venom come out of your mouth? Do you smile at them across the room or are you too busy to even look up from your cell phone when they walk in the room? Do you reach for their hand or do you keep your distance? Do you pick up their favorite drink when you run to the store or do you only complain about how they fall short?

Trust- We often take trust for granted, and we do it unintentionally. Trust is knowing they are at work when they say they are. Trust is knowing that money was spent on what they said it was. Without trust, a spouse can go literally insane from worrying. When they tell you something, trust is taking their word for it.

Understanding- When little tiffs or arguments happen, try to understand their side of the situation. it is asking yourself why they are acting the way they are, rather than focusing on why you are acting the way you are. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and try to see their side.

Humility-realizing that we are not the greatest thing ever put on this planet. We have to realize that we are all human, we all make mistakes, we all mess up and we all have to see that in ourselves and in others. We must humble ourselves.

Respect– The definition of respect is 1. (noun)a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 2. (verb) admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Through this definition we can see you admire the person you respect. You hold their opinions and viewpoints in high regards even if you don’t agree. 

Giving– marriage is a give and take. You’re either giving or you’re taking. It takes give and take from both sides to make a marriage work. Sometimes you need to watch that guy movie, usually in my case it’s a documentary lol, instead of that chick flick your dying to see.

 

What are some characteristics you believe are keys to a happy marriage? How do you apply these characteristics to your own marriage? Where can you improve?

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